Is the 5-Year-Old Within You Running the Show?

Over 10 years ago, I attended one of my very first self-development events. The experience was both exciting and unfamiliar, but little did I know it would ignite a profound shift within me and even completely alter my life direction.

I remember one of the speakers taking the stage, posing questions to the audience. “What do you REALLY believe about money? About relationships?” And some other ones which I can’t now recall.

The speaker emphasized the importance of listening and allowing answers to emerge from the depths of our unconscious minds before our rational thoughts took over. We were instructed to write down our answers, in order to capture unconscious beliefs we had in relation to money and relationships.

Honestly, the concept of the unconscious mind was somewhat foreign to me at that time. Sure, I had seen quotes floating around the internet, but they were just words without much meaning. The idea that there existed a realm beyond my conscious thoughts felt absurd, but something urged me to suspend my scepticism and participate in the exercise.

To my surprise, as I posed those questions to myself, the answers that emerged were completely unexpected. It was as if a separate entity within me had taken control and guided my pen, expressing thoughts and beliefs I hadn’t consciously acknowledged before. And if not for the exercise, I would have had a completely different logical answer!

In that moment, I became acutely aware that there was something deeper, something more powerful beneath the surface of my conscious awareness. And so, this realisation not only shook me up, but also sparked an insatiable hunger within me — a desire to explore and understand the workings of the unconscious mind.

Now, I understand if you’re sceptical or unfamiliar with this concept (although, given my circle, it’s quite unlikely). But I encourage you to give it a try. Set the intention to receive information from your unconscious mind. Ask yourself the questions you’d like to find answers to, especially in the areas of your life you feel stuck in.  And, most importantly, capture the responses that come from within, before your rational mind kicks in.

And so, I embarked on a transformative journey of self-discovery. Over the years I have gained profound insights into my own beliefs and, due to the kind of work I do, I’ve also had the privilege of witnessing this in others, affirming the depth and complexity of the human mind. These beliefs are incredibly bizarre and often nonsensical, things we would never consciously choose for ourselves. Yet, they hold immense power, shaping the messages that guide our actions and behaviours.

One belief that emerged in my own journey was situated around my fear of loss and that I had no choice around what happens in my life, the idea that I had to cling to what I had because I never knew when it might be taken away (coupled with the belief that nothing better was available for me).

You see, my mother suffered from severe heart-related issues, and there were numerous instances where her life hung in the balance. As a young child, I would wake up in the middle of the night, gripped by the fear that she had passed away. It was from these experiences that this particular belief took root in my mind. (When I turned 13, she underwent successful surgery, and her heart ceased to be a constant threat to her well-being.)

As an adult, I had mostly forgotten about those experiences. But through the work I’ve engaged in, I’ve come to realise how this particular belief continued to influence my actions and decisions. For example, I found myself clinging onto jobs I no longer enjoyed or remaining in relationships that no longer served my well-being.

The pain caused by these experiences persisted for years, and I naively accepted them as the inevitable nature of life. Little did I realise that an unconscious part within me was silently dictating how I should live and behave.

Words fail to capture the magnitude of transformation I have experienced since becoming aware of this deeply ingrained belief within me and employing tools to neutralise its hold (and other beliefs, as we all have more than just one).

Picture this: when we enter this world, our minds are like sponges, absorbing everything around us in a hypnotic state. Particularly between the ages of 0 and 5, we soak up the influences of our environment, especially from our biological parents. It is within this framework that our unconscious worldview takes shape, often diverging greatly from our logical thinking.

The real challenge arises when these unconscious beliefs exert power over us, moulding our life experiences in ways that sabotage us. It is as if a part of us reverts back to the patterns ingrained in our early years. It is important to note that these beliefs become particularly evident in the face of conflict or when you are going for something you desire.

Imagine a five-year-old attempting to navigate a complex conflict in a relationship or a ten-year-old negotiating a critical business deal. It’s an absurd notion, isn’t it? And yet, you’d be surprised by how many of us fail to address the here and now, instead psychologically relying on outdated information imprinted during our formative years. The result? We struggle to create the lives we truly desire, instead inadvertently creating the opposite.

But fear not, for there are other aspects of the mind that play a role in the process of creation. It’s not solely the domain of the unconscious. However, if you consistently find yourself creating unwanted circumstances and recognising recurring patterns in your life, chances are your unconscious mind is calling the shots.

The key here is to become aware of what we believe and shift the power in order to shape our reality based on what aligns with our deepest truths. It may take some practice and skill, but even the act of becoming aware holds incredible transformative potential.

I have encountered individuals in my life who showed no interest in delving into the depths of their own psyche. Initially, I found it rather surprising that some people wouldn’t be curious about understanding the driving forces behind their lives and decisions. However, I soon came to the realisation that everyone is on their own unique journey, and it’s important to respect where individuals are on their path.

The question I pose to you is this: when it comes to making life decisions or even simple choices each day, are they truly relevant to now or is a five-year-old version of yourself calling the shots? Have you ever questioned why you react the way you do?

As Carl Jung so wisely said that until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you call it fate.

After all, conscious creation involves responding to the present moment, to what is truly relevant. Creating from childhood beliefs has no bearing on the present; it’s merely a reflection of the past—a relic of our childhood.